Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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