are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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