he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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