Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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