there's paper in my vomit.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
