Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
