i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
