The maid of honor just puked.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
