Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
where are my eyebrows?
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