Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
