Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
