He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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