you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
