Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
