She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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