pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
