Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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