I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
