I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
