Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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