...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
