Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
