My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
