I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
