My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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