i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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