So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
