She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
