Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
