We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
