covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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