everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
