its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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