what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do vagina's smell?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
