I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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