Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
