Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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