Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I understand Curling. That high.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
