just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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