If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
