felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
