how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
