he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
