I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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