community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
