you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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