alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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