between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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