i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
