I just made out with a guy for $7.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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