I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize