omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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