Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize