Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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