Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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