I cannot find my penis.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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