Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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