You can't special order awesome
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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