I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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