ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
