happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
