If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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