If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
