Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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