so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
