apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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